My deep dark secrets

Once upon a time I had a few dreams about what it would be like to be the perfect wife. I think I may have posted about it somewhere in my past blogging life. It consisted of perfectly long luscious locks, getting thinner and more beautiful with age (but still making delicious brownies), clean dishes every night, the house smelling like roses every day, fresh flowers on the table, blah blah BLAH. It came partly from my friend Anne (in the book Anne's house of dreams by the way)-she did it all so well.

Don't you worry, my hair is still in a ponytail (and not a long luscious one for the record)-even the bangs are pulled back as I am typing this. I may or may not still have a few baby pounds to lose. However, I must give myself credit-I have almost mastered the clean sink.
I love this lady that I see in my head that I know as "the perfect wife" I am going to keep watching her like a movie in my brain as I get older, and see if I can't learn a thing or two..

After those dreams were so brutally awakened once upon a time by a little something called reality, I developed new, but equally unrealistic dreams (that is usually my style.) Ahh, to be "the perfect mom." This lady has an endless surplus of energy. Her baby is always full, his face is always clean, his clothes always smell like fresh laundry-his skin like that pink bottle of Johnson's baby lotion. His blankets is never left out in the car when he wants it at night. She wakes up happy and ready to run, she goes to sleep after everyone else and feels fulfilled..she has an endless surplus amount of time to cuddle, because her chores are always done and the bills are always paid. I LOVE her. I want to BE her.

However, lets get real. I am not her. And sometimes at the and of the day I think about the million more things I could have done better (I might be slightly a perfectionist at times) I do feel better that she is out of my imagination now and shared with the world. We have spent the past 6 weeks figuring out life for the family of 3. I have tried very hard, I have to be honest. I have ran my little fanny off while Cooper sleeps to shower, beautify myself (which usually includes throwing that hair up in that pony), do the dishes, prepare for dinner, pay a few bills, and be cheery and happy when he wakes up to eat (which for the record I do feed him all day and he is NEVER full).

So I was reading in my journal, which I have improved on keeping the past few months since Cooper joined our team. I found this quote, and I remembered all the sudden who my real role model was once upon a time..this cute perfect little lady.

Because she said this:
“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.
I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.
I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.
I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.
I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.”

It seems to never get old the more I read it..I could never say it like she does, but she sums up my feelings pretty well. I LOVE her. I want to BE her.


So thanks to this lady, I will continue to kiss both of my best boys on the cheek before bed, and feel fulfilled, despite the fact that our life is not perfect. And I will appreciate all the selfless help received-even if Shawn does enjoy things like a fantasy football draft during babysitting. You better believe we will keep on dreaming :)