Breaking Point

Finally! We are here. We are safe, sound and settled on the beautiful island of Grenada.
Okay, actually not completely settled yet-but we are getting there!!
I have so much to say, and so much on my mind. I was excited to come to my little blog tonight, because it feels like a little piece of home! It doesn't take much from home to excite me. I am writing from my new room, I can actually see the ocean sitting on my bed and it is so peaceful in the evening. More beautiful then I had even imagined. I am obsessed with this island and all of the culture and lifestyle that comes with it.

 Although I really want to talk about how much fun we are having, and friends we have made, and how beautiful the beaches are and the sunsets..it wouldn't be right! I need to document the bad with the good.  The  path of getting us here was a crazy one. Let's just say we officially reached our breaking point this week. It seems comical looking back on all that has transpired in the past month..

Right after Gracie was born we headed to Arizona for a few weeks. We got stuck in a snow storm driving from Arizona to Idaho with both of our kids (one just 5 weeks old), and still we were all pretty darn happy campers. We knew that it would be crazy getting out of town and we had planned on it. We were happy just having time together before Shawn left.

Shawn left on a Sunday, that evening Gracie started coughing. It wasn't a regular baby cough, it was like a horrible adult cough. Four winters at PCMC taught me too much about RSV and I knew Gracie had it! We barely squeaked by without hospitalization, I continuously took her to get her oxygen checked and every time we were just barely squeaking by. At the same time Cooper got the sickest he has ever been..Bronchitis and an ear infection. It was seriously so sad, and I felt like I couldn't give them both the attention they needed every day. They were both getting albuterol treatments and they were both waking up in the night. At the same time I was worried about Shawn who was in a new country by himself, trying to figure out how to get to school and get groceries and a million other little details. I wanted to be with him! All through the two weeks at my Mom's I was in survival mode. Pretty much no tears the whole two weeks except for goodbyes!! I packed us all up, I tried my best with the kids, and we actually can say we had fun spending time with them despite the sickness. Our time there is pretty special to me now that we are so far away. I appreciated my Mom and Abby's help so much. The worst part was not being able to spend time with all the people we wanted to since we were stuck at home and didn't want to share what we had! (See, still no breaking point even after RSV and ear infections as a single Mom..it gets better! )

We went from Idaho back to Utah, where we spent a really fun  and much too quick two days with my sister Jaimee and her kids who I love soo so much! We said some depressing goodbyes, and were on our way. Fast forward to finally getting here..two middle of the night flights later we were in Grenada! Luckily, both kids were angels on the plane! Although Cooper's ears were rechecked before we left he was not himself when we got here. Cooper currently sleeps in a pack and play and Gracie sleeps in a suitcase, ha again still in survival mode. I was feeling like Gracie was always hungry, we all were getting dehydrated and I just didn't have enough to keep her satisfied. Our house is actually really nice, but the part we are living in is newer and has not been rented before. There are a few little quirks that drive me crazy and haven't been fixed yet. The washer leaks, and the sink doesn't drain right. They are working on it! At least it's clean because it's new.  That counts for a lot! Although Shawn is super helpful when he is home, and makes time for us every day, he has a super busy schedule this term and was already a few weeks in when we got here. We have had to try to do a lot of things on our own, which I'm sure has been good for me. I have been learning to drive on the opposite side of the road, and the opposite side of the car (I actually hate driving even on the right side of the road so it hasn't been my favorite thing!). I have been trying to get our things put away and get the things that we still need. I have been trying to meet new people and establish us somewhat of a life here. (Still hangin in there at this point...)

The first time I drove by myself we headed to the beach just a few miles away. The drive itself wasn't bad, I followed my neighbor the whole way..but don't worry, I am still getting used to being out and about with a two month old and an 18 month old. With everything we had with us, somehow our key didn't make it back to our car!! What?! Me.. lose a key?! My poor friend that was with us. Seriously my friends from home should have called her and warned her that she needs to be the one holding our keys!! Luckily the guy who sold us the car still had a spare, Shawn took the bus to the car and brought it home, and was thankfully even in the mood to just laugh about it.

The next day we were determined to figure out why Cooper had been so upset, and decided to get his ears checked for a third time. I went out to start the car, with no such luck. The cars here are not the greatest, they just get us by! So, we loaded up the kids and headed to the bus stop. We took both the kids on the bus to the clinic at the school. I had to laugh at myself in the waiting room, nursing Gracie with Cooper just pulling at his ears and touching everything he was not supposed to touch. People were looking at me like, you poor girl!! Cooper did indeed have a bad ear infection. It breaks my heart! He has been in 4 different beds in the past two months. And he just got a new sister, moved out of the country, and has been sick. He really has been a trooper all things considered..and I have felt so bad. On a better note, Don't worry our car is fixed, it was just something with the battery. I wanted to tell the people staring at my chaos in the waiting room..I swear our life is not always like this!!

Last night we got home from dinner at a neighbors house and Cooper was just wandering around in his room before bed. He loves opening and closing doors now that he can reach the doorknob. I didn't even know these bedroom doors lock, we haven't locked them or even tried to or needed to since we have been here. Next thing we know Cooper is locked in the bedroom! Although we have a whole ring of keys-not one was to the bedrooms!! Of course, our landlords are out of town so we had to wait for their friends to come bring us the bedroom key. Why did we not have it in the first place?! Either way it was the saddest 20-30 minutes of my life. Cooper was just curled up in a corner by the door crying his poor little eyes out. When we opened the door he was just standing there, the saddest little eyes, with a soaking wet face and shirt. I just sat by the door the whole time and tried to sing songs and let him know that he was not in trouble and we were not doing it on purpose!! I just sat there by the door thinking, really?! Can we please catch a break! We gave Cooper a cookie before bed which we never do, and we both rocked him to sleep just because he deserved it. We couldn't believe how we can love a cranky little trouble maker so much.

Last Saturday my Grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. All of my family was together, and it was the first major event that I missed being over here. I have always been really close to my grandma and grandpa and missing their anniversary was one of the hardest parts of leaving when I did. My phone was going crazy with photos from the party and I was so grateful to see them, but they made me sad at the same time. Shawn had to study late on Saturday for a Monday morning test. I was home with my Mother in law and I realized I had finally reached my breaking point. Bad ears,  2 month old baby, new country, car issues, homesickness, sand all over the floor, leaky washer, a hungry baby, I swear the list goes on..I got this huge feeling of panic being so far away from everything and everyone I know and love. I really didn't expect to feel that here. I like adventure, I love new places, and all I really need is my family, but I underestimated how lonely I would feel just being so far away. It was an overwhelming feeling that Shawn is going to be busier then I thought, and that this road is longer then I had imagined. I can't see my sisters or my mom or my friends in a short quick drive whenever I want to anymore, and I have two kids who are both babies and who both need a lot of attention, and sometimes I feel like I just don't have enough to feel like I gave enough at the end of the day..

Yesterday Shawn completed his first test of Medical School..woohoo! I am so proud. He had the day off in the afternoon and we went to the beach. Shawn's mom is here so it was nice to have an extra set of hands. Gracie slept in her carseat, and Shawn's mom read her book on the beach. We actually had an hour or two to play with Coop in the warm water, and give him our undivided attention. It was the most fun I have had in a long time! Cooper was so happy, and he kept going back and forth between the two of us like he was just so happy that we were all together again.  The water was perfect, and the weather was perfect, and the beach was almost empty.

It was like this major breath of fresh air for me. I realized that this is our home now, and I realized that really we are all okay. It is the most beautiful place I have ever been. The people here have been overly inviting and welcoming to our family. Our neighbors have taken care of us above and beyond what we would expect!! They have made this transition a hundred thousand times easier. But it's still a transition. We can't expect to feel completely at home here overnight, but we are getting there. We are getting on a better schedule and finally Cooper and Gracie both napping at the same time and go to bed around 7:30-8 which is saving me right now. Seriously, although it doesn't sound like it, the good in our situation by far out weighs the bad. And someday I will blog about the good. Tonight it just feels good to blog about the bad. And admit that we hit our breaking point. It actually felt good to have a little melt down, because since then we have been on the up and up.
I woke up yesterday ready for a new week and a new start. I have been trying to do everything familiar to Cooper that I can, and today he actually seemed the best he has since getting here. I know that we are not in our comfort zone, but I think we will surprise ourselves by what we are capable of as a family and we will learn by not living the same life we have always lived. So grateful for all the people here who have been there, done that, and our helping us out. Crossing my fingers for a better week..and a fresh new start to our life in Grenada.

 So apparently moving to an island in the Eastern Carribean has more to it then beach babies and tan lines. We are learning as we go..but we are happy to be on our way..