This month all of my shifts have been in the pediatric ICU at Primary's. I have been spending some time learning about all of the more advanced equipment that is specifically used in the ICU setting, so I can help in that unit more often. Naturally, dealing with more advanced equipment, means dealing with sicker kids. I am not a parent, I don't understand the feelings of loss and disappointment that occur on a daily basis inside that special unit. I don't feel like I can relate. I do however, remember hearing some news once upon a time that I wished more then anything I could erase. I do remember looking ahead a few weeks after I heard that news and thinking how miserable it would be to somehow survive them. Because of that experience, I watch the people I see walking around everyday and I so much admire them. They are much better people then me. I stare at them, yes- I have a major staring problem. But I still stare, because I want so bad to be more like them. They amaze me and I have learned so much more then how to handle advanced equipment in the past few weeks. It has persuaded me to put my life back into perspective.
On Tuesday I went to work. I had another busy day, and I told myself in the midst of it to take in every single detail. There was so much more to learn then how to write down and record numbers, how to change out drips, and how to make changes on the ventilator. I learned a lot about perspective on Tuesday. I caught a glimpse of parental love for a child. I realized life is a privilege.
I went home on Tuesday night to a castle instead of a teeny tiny 800 square foot house, with a temporarily broken furnace. I was picked up by Prince charming instead of a very tired over worked, over studied husband. We drove home in a wonderful reliable car, instead of my corolla with one side scratched up that we share and overdrive. I walked to the gym last night all by myself, down the quiet Sugarhouse main street. I thought more then once about the families I had left behind at the end of my shift. The people I look up to and admire. The people I want to teach me everything they know. And I was excited to return to work later this week, because I was excited to rub shoulders once again with those who are incredible. I am so far from the strong, inspirational nurses I see all around me, and the nurse I hope to someday be. BUT I do love being a nurse. Sometimes I forget that. Actually almost every night before I work I forget that. But I did choose a profession that keeps me fulfilled, and most of the time reminds me to keep life in perspective. I am very thankful, because I need that.
